i saw bf yesterday! i almost didn't go cuz i was being lazy as HELL! but then i thought eh... i should just go. i'm glad i did because it was nice! i didn't spend a lot of time since i got there at 7pm. i was supposed to be there 3-4pm LOL talk about lag. see, i told you i was being lazy. so anyway. he told me i looked really cute. i had some new clothes. i guess he hasn't seen me wear new clothes in a long time LOL but anyway... i loved that. he barely compliments me unless i say something hahahhaa yeah, so we watched some tv and then i got really tired so we went to his room to lie down =P he told me that when i come over (by myself) it feels like the day after he asked me out. awwwwwwwwwwwww!! i sooo love how he lightly traces circles on my back. it feels so nice =) so then... one thing led to another and yeah, we had sex. it was great. but kinda too long. i like quickies lol

so yeah. i got home at about 2:20am and my dad wasn't home. tsk tsk tsk. i thought he wanted to be serious. oh yeah, he's gonna take his med. board again so he can become a doctor. he should be studying instead of gambling if he wants to pass!

ANYWAYS. i guess that's it.

i'm sad. i may be depressed. i don't know. i was trying to be excited about christmas and everything. i got everybody to get everyone gifts... it feel like charades though.

i don't like how the year is ending either. my dad is gambling about every week. my mom is broke. i'm getting depressed. i feel like bf is distancing himself from me. i have no control over anything. i have to quit smoking (lol no fun!)

whatever.

i barely talk to my bf anymore. in the last week, i think i talked to him 3 times. all 3 times were small talk bullshit. it consisted of us repeatedly asking each other what the other was doing.

during finals week my brother slipped about something... something had happened to bf or something. so i kept asking my bro... i asked bf... nobody would tell me. finally after my finals, he told me he was in a car accident. he wanted to wait to tell me after finals so i wouldn't be worried. ok.

he had told me that while we ate dinner at denny's. afterwards, we went to his house to watch tv and he took off his beanie. his hair was braided. i was shocked... i asked him who did it for him. he said some chick's name from school. i don't know this girl. last year was rushing back to me. i hate braiding his hair and shit... but please be someone i know. last year better not happen again.

man, i don't know what i feel anymore. i felt some distancing before but it was usually because of me. this time... i don't know! karma's a bitch huh.

i don't know what goes on with him anymore. he doesn't tell me. he doesn't update his journal thing either. he doesn't text msg me anymore. i text'd him a couple times... then he kinda yelled at me to stop cuz it costs too much.

our four year anniversary is coming up in about a week and a half. four fucking years!

i am so stressing out. i have a bunch of quizzes, exams and finals coming up in the next 2 weeks! i need to find a way to get my brain to work. i'm so burnt out, it's not funny.

i tried registering for winter intersession but all the online classes are full. damn it. i guess no winter intersession for me. there is no way i'm going to drive to school and sit there for a couple hours trying to stay awake when i should be listening to a lecture. nope.

that means i'm school free til january 21 baby!!! i don't know what i'll do with my time. probably nothing =)

i totally forgot about jon brandis death. i remember my brother telling me about it but i couldn't believe it. gosh, i used to think he was so cute. i loved ladybugs. i want to watch it now. i hope i have it. i'll probably laugh and cry throughout the movie =(


i have a test today. major. i need to get at least a b. an a would be nice but we all know that's not possible. for me anyway haha

3 more weeks and i don't have to pick up another book i don't want to read! OMG that would be sooo nice! =)

so... i should study now.