is it the birthday blues? or am i really depressed?

now, i ain't one of those people who thinks just because they're sad that they're depressed. i think depression is when you're sad and don't know why. like, when you're finished crying... you still don't feel better. i've been fighting off tears for awhile now. it's taking all my energy to keep 'em back. i don't know what i'm crying about because everything is pretty much alrite. i ain't gonna say perfect cuz life sux. but nothing is really *that* bad.

bf says it's bday blues because the birthday is nearing.... he could be right. i'm gonna be fucking twenty-two. i think about where i'm at and where i'm supposed to be, and there's this huge ass gap. this society is driving me insane because WHO SAYS you have to be at a certain place in your life at certain ages... everyone has their own pace. unfortunately, in this society, everyone's pace is fast and faster. hurry hurry hurry. i can't stand that.

oh yeah. i caught myself comparing myself with other girls. i'm so frustrated with myself. i feel like i'm in a constant battle. laziness vs. motivation. for once i'd like motivation to win because this stupid laziness is driving me to the ground. i've really gotta do something about it.