i am sooo mad. and what a surprise.. it's because of fucking guys. the first guy that's responsible for my anger is my father. he basically said i can't go to vegas. WELL FUCK YOU BUDDY. lol i know i must sound like spoiled brat getting mad just because i can't go to vegas but it's not just that. one of these days i will tell him what i think of him. bastard


the second guy is no fucking big surprise. it's the boyfriend. he called me last night telling me that he misses me. i told him to call me tomorrow (today) and did he? hell no he didn't. i was furious today because the first guy pissed me off so i thought i'd go there for comfort or something..... to get away. i seriously was going insane. i called a million times and i'm not joking. i left a message saying it's kinda like an emergency.. i'd like him to call me back. has he called me back? haha this answer ain't hard. come on.. say it with me. HELL MOTHER FUCKING NO HE DIDN'T! *sigh* what the fuck is that?


it's fucking wednesday. i know what he's doing then. he's working out with that fucking bitch. or he's out somewhere and didn't bring his phone. shit, i'm sorry i'm a fucking drag that you don't want to fucking talk to me. oh my god. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH


please please get me away from this place...

hmm.... i notice he doesn't call me anymore. he's supposed to pretend he has summer school and usually he calls me at least once a day or something. you know what? i haven't talked to him in awhile. okay, so now it's no sex... no calls... and probably no seeing. i'm definately not seeing him this week. i need to take care of my car's maintenance.. and besides, i have no gas and no money. if i see him, it'll have to wait til next week. i don't even know about then. our two and a half year anniversary is on the fourth. we usually see each other that day...


i dunno.. i can't help but feel neglected or something.

i swear my mom can't make up her mind about where she wants to go. this morning some agent left us a message about plane tickets via malaysia air... my mom was like hey maybe we should go.. you and me. good lordy.. this must be the tenth time she's changed her mind. seriously. well, whatever. i don't care where i go. just as long as i go somewhere.

i dunno... the last couple times i left his house to go home.. i cried. i dunno what that means... oh i know. i'm fuckin emotional. well i'd like to go disect what i'm feeling and thinking and coming up with all sorts of theories and shit but i'm too tired. maybe another day.

i went to the boyfriend's house yesterday. i had wanted to go shopping but i got there so late, i think all the stores were closed. i was tired when i had arrived there that i just wanted to lie down and take a nap. i mean, he always does that right?

i think he wanted me to come over to help him with his hair. he was getting frustrated cuz he didn't know what to do with the dreads that were breaking. he's so fucking impatient. he wants his dreads to mature instantly.. yeah it takes awhile!

i'm sick again! argh!

why??

you know what would make me so happy i'd forget i was sick?
modest mouse. live.
i think that would be coolness.