so update...

i think i still have a chance at a couple of schools i'm looking at. that would require another year of school to get in... i don't think my mother would like that. i should just give up. fuck it, i'll just take the damn associates degree instead of the ba.

i am working on my social anxiety/phobia. i picked up a book called beyond shyness. i've read about 20 pages and so far it's been right on the money. i've gotta set aside some time each day to read it. i also picked up a book that'll help me out with the BIG class i'm taking fall semester. i'm planning on studying it so that by the time class starts, i can hopefully grasp it better.

i found out my exboyfriend got married. it's weird saying that because when i look back... i get feelings of friendship instead of an old relationship. i dunno, whatever. i'm glad he's happy. it's cute because he married his first gf i think. they were together when they were 15, and she went to my school. in fact, we used to ride the same school bus but i don't think i have ever talked to her. she was part of the "cool crowd" and of course, i wasn't.

anyways.

i have to go to a friend's birthday party tomorrow. i know it's sad but i'd rather see my boyfriend. this particular friend makes me exhausted. you reaaaally won't understand unless you meet her. i'm serious. everyone feels this way. lol, why am i friends with her? well when she's not being all condescending, giving her opinion on everything whether you ask for it or not and what not... she's ok. so i'm hoping i can just pop in, mingle and then get away a lil early. i'm a fucked up friend, i know.

i miss my boyfriend. ever since he started working, i barely have contact with him. i see him probably once a week and we usually hang out with friends. so we don't have a lot of alone time. i don't really talk to him on the phone cuz i hate talking on the phone. he doesn't call cuz he knows i don't pick up. we play WoW but since he works 12 hour shifts that start way early in the morning, he doesn't play much... or he doesn't play when i'm playing. i miss him so terribly.

i want to move out because this is just getting ridiculous. if i don't get into my program right away after fall semester, i'm soooo taking up a job and moving out. i don't care how hard my life will be, i desparately need out.

ya know, it would be sooo much easier if i'd just win the lottery! lol