when i first registered to vote i was democrat. then some guy at my school needed to get people to register so he tells me to register again. i was like.. i'm already registered.. but i do it for the hell of it and so suddenly i'm republican. which makes me want to throw up so i changed it back to democrat and sent the card (a week or two ago). now i'm thinking i should've just put green. i've been kinda worried about being openly green LOL but i'm just retarded like that. so i guess i'll have to go and change it AGAIN for like the fourteen millioneth time! =P

why am i talkin politics? i dunno... i got some republican flyer and it's on the floor. so i just thought i'd just i dunno.. it gave me something to type about, you know? besides... who reads this? probably only ME hehehe it's okay though.

father gambled away another paycheck. and he's totally kissing ass. we ate veggies with tofu for dinner and he goes.. "see this is good.. we don't need meat." duh we don't, you were the one always wanting to cook meat. then he goes kissing more of my mom's ass by saying we should start having evening worship. oh shut the fuck up. i bet he'll make us do it one time, then he'll go back to watching t.v. til he falls asleep every night. whatever.

ex: i wonder about u sometimes
me: like what
ex: why you would act the way u did
me: ooh
ex: why it seemed like i was the only one making the effort to see one another
ex: and was i not there
ex: remember magic
me: yes
ex: remember the little fight i got in to with richard about that
ex: and all the drama that came after that
me: yeah
ex: remember that day i called you and i was around te corner
me: yeah
ex: but i also remember the times i felt you drift

me with major guilt trip. yipes!

talking with the ex-boyfriend... always brings up the past... and somehow we're always talking about what happened...

like now, he wants to know what happened... and i've never really given him an answer.. how am i supposed to tell him that i felt he was too needy... that he was annoying with the millions of voicemails....

*sigh*

i hate it how i can't stay mad.

damn it!

he just called and asked if i could come earlier than i usually do on wednesdays.
i'm like.. uhh you have class though..
"it's only an hour"
"what about your english class?"
"it'll go by quick" (it's like 3 hours)
"what am i gonna do then?"
"just stay at my house.. they like you"

he starts complaining about how he doesn't have any confidence... maybe he should just teach. so i'm just like.. okie.. teach.. but if you really want to act.. just go with it. and then later i'm like.. keep your options open you know? then he tells me that i don't understand him anymore. and he can't believe that i said keep your options open. WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

i feel like i'm at his house all the time. i need a break from sitting there watching him sleep. that's all he does. it's mindboggling. i think his brother feels sorry for me because everytime i'm there, he's sleeping. he tried waking him up this one day cuz it was like 5:30pm "why the hell are you still sleeping? you don't even work! get up!" i'm like yeah! sheesh. he gets up when his brother wakes him up but me.... "five more minutes... ten more minutes.. i'm tired.. you don't understand..."

*sigh*

hmm... i think that little feeling of something that was creeping on me is growing....

i can't help but feel....? there's a feeling that i can't really explain. i don't know if it's emptiness.. hollowness.. something. and it's growing bit by bit. i don't like it.

anyways, i played a million hours of final fantasy causing me to dream about it. i really should've studied instead hahhaha oh well. i'll study today.

[rant/vent]
dammit. he wants me to come over today. his homeboy & gf want to take pics and do something today and well he told them okay but he told me that he doesn't want to take pics. i think they said they wanted to go to disneyland or something too... err i don't think me or him can afford it. i don't think we can even afford parking =P

besides, i'm so tired of going there. i go there three times a week already. ARGH! it's not fair to me... i hate driving. and half of the time i'm driving there or from there.. i'm stuck in traffic. i HATE traffic!

i'm tired too. i haven't been sleeping well. i use weekends to sleep in and catch up in class readings. and that's what i want to do. but no, if i tell hm that, he'll just tell me it's okay in that tone that sets off a guilt trip. fuck.
i don't know why he wants me over there. he just sleeps all day and all night. and that's not an exaggeration. ( i know i misspelled that huh) when i question why he sleeps so much he tells me he's tired and i don't understand. fuck yeah i don't understand. what the fuck does he do that gets him so tired besides working out. he doesn't work. and i don't see him actively looking for work. yet he sits there and complains his ass off.

oh we were watching crossing over and i totally think john edward (i think that's his name) is a good medium. and i totally think that stuff is possible and stuff. and here he goes... that's fake. he's not good. dumb. you can't do that. etc.... shit. i thought he was open minded. i guess all this time i was talking about that crap.. he wasn't listening.. or didn't care... didn't think i was serious... maybe thinks i'm crazy. =/
[end rant/vent]

but ANYWAYS... school has been cool. i think i'm doing okay so far. i just need to start studying a little more.

my dad's being good also...