i finally tried a vanilla flavored cig today (technically yesterday) not what i expected (i dunno what i expected) but it's okay.

i spent 80 bucks today mainly on food! 30 at the restaurant. 35 at the movies. another 20 at another food place. jesus christ. next time i take a brother out, i am goin to just take that brother out. i had to pay for both brothers, my cousin and boyfriend. there goes my clothes money. bf says what do you need clothes for? what an ass. he kept saying "let's play pool..." and whatever. i need clothes punk. i NEVER get clothes. he claims he'll buy me some before school starts. with what money?

i'm just upset right now. can ya tell? oh yeah... i'm laying off the sex stuff. everytime he like gets soft, i automatically think about what he said. it's like he stabs me in my heart and twists the knife. he swears it's not because of me.. yeah whatever. he said that before but when he told me that crap the day we had "the talk" how can i believe him when he says it's not me.

today's our anniversary.. i'm not expecting anything from him but i wish he'd do something special. or just do something. write me a letter. i dunno. we never make anything a big deal. i love complaining about that, don't i.