scorpios suck. unless it's just my scorpio. i am so fucking frustrated trying to ask for shit. he ignores me so he doesn't have to say no... i mean, just fucking tell me no. i'll get over it! god damn it. sometimes i just ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess we are kind of trying to have a baby! yikes, i'm scared. hope i don't get preggers yet. i'll feel better if it happens in a couple months....

man, my total cholesterol is high... 240. my triglycerides came down to 200s. still high but better than before! also my hdl is at 38 and my ldl is 160. i need to start working on this crap. i have been walking more. getting an o bar and weights next week, i can start deadlifting and maybe squats. squats would make hubby happy... me... meh.

i have an ugly bruise from that last lab draw i had. stupid lady. yup, i'm blaming her LOL

ahahahaha one lab came back... it was my a1c. and it went down a little more... it's 6.8!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! now where is my lipid panel???

had labs done last week. my lipid panel sucked ass. i told the doc maybe it was because i had chinese food the night before... so she made me repeat labs this week which i did earlier (technically yesterday). (note to self- never do labs anywhere but regular place cuz omg that lady sucked!).

only good news from last week's labs is... my a1c is down to 6.9!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!

my labs from earlier is taking forever to show up. i'm guessing the place i went to doesn't process their labs there... ugghhhhhhhh. i wanna know NOW!

-----------------

i freaking hate medsurg!! i'd rather do icu than medsurg... and i don't even like icu that much either! lol i did suprisingly liked er. hopefully i don't change my mind next time i'm in there. i get to go two more times. i'll be in or next week... which i hate cuz i hate being by myself. i'm too awkward... and i get too lonely lol

----------------

me and s have a secret mission. involves getting better grades. hope we succeed! LOL

-----------------

i keep forgetting my birthday is coming up. i barely notice. people are starting to ask what i wanna do and i don't have an answer... cuz i'll probably (or should) be studying anyway hahahaha how sad my life is.

----------------

oh and hey, it's been one year and one month since i quit smoking!!!!!!!!! thank you ecigs for making it easier for me. i'm almost ready to go to 0mg nicotine... like i have 0 and have been mixing with a little 5mg... but i feel like i need a little to get thru school and clinicals. so i reserve 0 for home use. my plan is to go totally 0 soon but now i'm wondering if i can hold off for when i graduate. we'll see!

so its been about a month since i started taking met er. im not sure its working very well or maybe i need to have my dosage increased. or maybe my not working out in the last two weeks and not eating very well is why my numbers are not lowering. im so burnt out with school that im too tired to study and exercise. which is stressing me out and causing me to eat more carbs than i should. i need to get back on track. especially since i have to take a1c pretty soon!

last week i got the balls to email my doc and ask to switch my meds... and she let me! so now i'm no longer taking glipizide. i've been taking metformin er since friday. i had some gi upset the first day but not much after that. also, yesterday i started taking r-ala along with evening primrose oil and biotin. i need to remember to take my multivitamins... i read that metformin can cause a decrease in absorption of b12. i might have to just buy some b12 supplement to take. i don't wanna be deficient and have neuropathy. i hate pain.

my bs is higher than it was on glip but met takes a couple weeks to build up to see it working. i just hope that its not ruining my liver/kidneys and that i can stay on this med. i have to take labs in a week to find out. *crossing fingers*

wow, a couple months has passed since my last post!

i am just waaaay too busy with school. i hate this quarter. community might be the reason i fail a quarter. i have no idea how to study for this class. i was failing mental but my grade has gone up so i'm glad.

as for health stuff, i just viewed my results from february 15 again... here they are:

hgba1c 8.7
cholesterol 210
triglycerides 221
hdl 38
ldl 128

so everything is lowering which is good (except for hdl! i don't know whats going on with that). it's been awhile since i've heard from my doc. usually she bugs me every couple weeks. i guess she feels my numbers are going down so she's probably going to contact me soon to check again.

 numbers for the last month:
5/1 104 142
4/30 82 121
4/29 88 n/a
4/28 101 117
4/27 90 n/a
4/26 71 n/a
4/25 93 n/a
4/24 84 131
4/23 87 n/a
4/22 98 n/a
4/21 85 146
4/20 107 133
4/19 n/a 142
4/18 90 117
4/17 100 136
4/16 n/a 107
4/15 73 115
4/14 101 155
4/13 90 122
4/12 73 117
4/11 93 107
4/10 107 79
4/09 71 142
4/08 97 119
4/07 96 147
4/06 75 164
4/05 n/a 125
4/04 85 90
4/03 80 111
4/02 85 120
4/01 94 91

idk whats up with forgetting to check bs a lot this month! i'm blaming the stress of school! i'm going cuckoo!

also, i'm worried about taking glip. i read somewhere that it destroys beta cells!! i don't want my beta cells destroyed! i'm not sure what to do :(

this weekend was bad. we have no money for a week. we only have $20!! so i couldn't go buy salad and all the stuff i needed. i ended up eating whatever we had in the house. plus on saturday, i had to accompany mother-in-law to take doggie who passed away the night before to animal shelter since no one could come pick him up before tuesday. afterwards, she took me to a buffet. i couldn't say no because i know she just wanted to get her mind off of doggie. i didn't eat any rice or noodles. i did eat a lot of shrimp, crab, and cheese. cheese is my weakness. surprisingly, my after-dinner readings that day was not as high as i expected. it was 135. today though, i ate some orange chicken (frozen from costco) that hubby made. i ate it with some brown rice. 2 hours later, my reading was 160. yikes! i guess that means i shouldn't eat orange chicken anymore.

i got my lab results. some lady called and said my doctor wasn't in but the doctor covering her wanted me to make an appointment to see my doc. ugh. no thanks. i'll wait til she calls me again and tells me to come in. my triglycerides went down. still high though, its 200 something. my a1c is still high but it's a point lower than it was a couple weeks ago. i believe that's progress because a1c measures blood in the past 2-3 months. i've only been diagnosed 2 months ago! i don't see how she thinks my a1c can drop that fast. crazy.

i'm too tired to post my results. i'll do it tomorrow. i think i should sleep now so i can do all the hw/studying that i've put off all weekend and cram it all tomorrow! yippee.

supposed to do homework today, looks like i won't be.

so around 6pm i felt kind of jittery. i thought maybe i should check my bs. i had a reading of 108. i guess the jitters came from all the tea i had been drinking all day! btw, mighty leaf tea is the best freaking tea i have ever tasted!! expensive tho :(

my bs last night was pretty high: 141... and that was with exercise after dinner. i guess this means i can't eat marie callender's chicken pot pie anymore :( my morning fasting was 119.

today, i used the wii to do some exercises after lunch. i did the advanced step a couple times, some strength stuff, and a little yoga. for dinner, i had a hamburger with one slice of multigrain bread. i jumped on the treadmill afterwards for 30 minutes... waited another hour (i check 2 hours after dinner) and it was 80! i think that's the lowest i've seen it. what's weird is i don't feel all hypo... last time when it was under 90 i felt shaky. i wonder what this means.

all i know is i'm tired. i kind of want to stay up to do hw but maybe i should sleep instead and do it in the morning. yeah, that's what i'll do.

i didn't get to see hubby this weekend. i miss him so much. i told him that i want to start couch potato to 5k... i want to be able to run! i asked if he was proud of me. since december, i've lost 8 pounds. i measured myself and in a month, i have lost 1 inch from underbust and 2 inches from waist. he told me he's always proud of me :)

i just hope i can get this shit under control pronto. i want to start trying for a baby at the end of the year.

health.

so, i'm not on metformin anymore. it was giving me gi problems. my doc put me on glipizide instead. i take that sucker before breakfast and dinner. she also put my on lipitor but it was giving me a muscle cramp/spasm in my left leg. it also made me feel arthritic cuz my knees started aching... then my ankles... and then my toe joints. i stopped taking it the day before clinical because i suspected the lipitor and didn't want to suffer during clinical. i didn't bother taking it again. i told my doc that friday and she told me to stop taking it. she says we'll focus on the diabetes for now and see if the cholesterol will get better naturally.

i also got sick last week so i only got to exercise 2 days =( today was the first time i got back into it. hopefully my sugars will go down. i had one reading of 146 and one of 111. the rest were 120ish. my after dinner reading right now was 120.

i had some labs done the friday i saw my doc. my sodium is back to normal. it was 134 before and now its 136. yes! hopefully that's a sign that things are getting better. there was bad news though. i think the lipitor was damaging my liver. before i found out, my doc had prescribed me 600mg ibuprofen for sore throat to use as needed. and boy did i need it. i think i may have taken 6 pills that weekend. so i'm hoping that i didn't do too much damage =(

i just watched a documentary called food matters. wow. i'm wondering if i should try a "plant-based" diet for now. i have to take fasting labs in about 2 weeks. i wonder what my numbers could be if i tried. my whole problem is school. i need to start planning out how to take food to school. there aren't too many good options for me in any of the food places we go to.

school.

found out my director is sda. she goes to the church my parents now attend. was a big shock to me. she sucks. she's not a good director.

i hate my clinical instructor. i thought she may be nice... not really. i hate her. she isn't nurturing or helpful like my last one. oh how i miss her. this one doesn't help me at all. she makes me feel dumb and inadequate. wtf.

i also hate the other ob clinical instructor. why is she trying to give us more work? stupid tattle-tell.

i just can't wait to be finished.

i always forget about this blog. that will change.

it's now 2013. the world didn't end.

i'm halfway done with nursing school. it's so hard. i need to study harder. i failed my medsurg final. thank god i passed the retake, if i hadn't i would've had to retake the class. that would be so embarrassing. this quarter is ob/peds. i like my ob teacher, she's very knowledgeable and engaging. i have my first clinical in a couple days and i'm so scared. i'm already awkward around adults, i don't know how i'll handle kids and their parents! hopefully i'm just just building it up in my mind and it turns out better than i thought.

in december of 2012, i found out that i have diabetes. wow, that was hard to type. had to take a second there to continue.... i have been struggling with high blood sugars for a couple years but never had insurance so i didn't do anything about it. i wish instead of traumatizing me, my mom would be comforting and helped me. but i can't blame her. ultimately it's my fault that i didn't do anything.

through a non-fasting blood test, i had a a1c of 10.7. i couldn't believe it. i had exercised all through 2011. i had a physical before i started school and my blood sugar was normal. it didn't click with me that i should've been in maintenance mode. i started school and didn't have time for home-packed lunches. so, i ate out for lunch. i started sleeping less because of studying and homework, so i would drink sodas. then i had a couple quarters where i was school 4 days a week. that was at least 4 meals and 4 sodas a week. then i'd come home and eat out with hubby and had sodas. i have no idea how much my avg calories were. probably through the roof. i gained all the weight i lost the previous year in less than a year. i barely could make it to the gym. i was too tired and didn't have time. i always told myself i'd make time the following week and it never happened.

so yesterday was the first time i saw my doctor since she called to tell me i have diabetes. she put me on metformin 500mg once a day. i'm also supposed to test my blood sugars after dinner and when i wake up. it took me 20 minutes to work up the courage to prick myself. the dumb thing is i had to do it a couple times to find a setting that produced enough blood. it was 208. this morning, i still had a lot of trouble and wasted a bunch of lancets and test strips. i had to use 4 fingers until finally i got enough. it was 148.

i also had some lipid labs. it blew me away about how high the results were. i mean, deep down inside, i kind of knew that they would be high but it's devastating to see them laid out like that.

i guess i will be turning this blog into journal of my quest for health. my goals this week is to join a gym near my parents house. its time to take it serious. let's do this!!

12/17/2012
a1c 10.7

1/25/2013
a1c 9.9
cholesterol 219
triglyceride 434
hdl 41
ldl 118