my birthday is on thursday. i'm getting old. i thought i would have at least one child by now. i'm secretly (ok, maybe not so secretly) scared that i'll never have kids. it's just that i won't even be done with school til january 2014. we still won't be good financially... ugh, i hate my life.

i'm starting clinicals tomorrow. i'm scared shitless. trying not to think about it so i won't freak out right now. i am predicting that i will wake up multiple times in the night sweating.

i really miss my husband. i really hate this arrangement. i wish he would just try to get a freaking job down here. make that two jobs, so we can be together. commuting weekends to spend 2 days with him... not the business. there's gotta be some other way... unfortunately, all other options costs money that we totally don't have. fuck.

i'm so awkward. i should just embrace that shit.

seriously though... wtf life, what am i here to learn? cuz i'm tired of this shit.

i hate my dot. i cry at everything. my stupid fear gets out. i start thinking about when people i love will die, what would i do? i'm insanely scared of when any of my dog dies. i have no idea how i'll handle it. i want to start bawling just thinking about it. i also start to think about how shitty my life is. what a big fucking loser i am. i don't get it though. this usually happens to me before and during my dot. this time it is happening towards the end. my hormones are so crazy, i hate it.

so i see i haven't updated since august. how terrible.

our first year of marriage was interesting. we fought/argued more in that year than the whole 10 previous years we were together! it was fine though because it totally brought us closer. i had a hard time learning to sleep with him though. hes a bed hogger! i wake up at least once a night to tell him to move over LOL

i'm in nursing school! it doesn't really feel like it since the classes i'm taking at the moment are still gen ed. i take nursing fundamentals in the third quarter. i'm excited and fucking scared!!

i still don't have a car.

or a baby =(