whoever the fuck keeps thinking this account is their's, please stop requesting password changes. it's obviously not yours. thanks.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i feel really angry at everything.

you can call me ms. furious.

=X

so far this month:

_i finally got my period after not getting it for a really long time.

_got a flat tire on the freeway but didn't know til i got off the freeway. then proceeded to drive home (56 miles on the freeway) on a spare.

_sister broke my retainer. my teeth are already moving. stupid cuz i've had my braces off 6 years and wore my retainer pretty regularly but my teeth still move.

_a store tried changing my tire and broke the bolt thing on my wheel. stupid fucks.

_no more health insurance.

_found TWO gray hairs. yikes.

in one week, i will be 25.

i am the word's biggest loser. i will be turning 25 in two weeks. i have nothing to show for it. i'm still not done with school. i have no job either. still living with parentals and still a waste of space.

what am i doing here?

my parents are freaking crazy. they bought a new house in a nearby city. it costs about $858,000!!! mother is banking on me finishing school in 3 years and helping to pay for the house. yikes! when and how am i gonna move out? craziness. well, if they run into financial troubles, they'll sell our current house. they're trying to keep both and rent this house out. they might sell if the house value reaches $800,000 so they could put it into the new house. right now, the houses around here go for $650,000. if it goes to $800,000... that's just nuts. there is no way these houses are worth it. then again, there is no land left to build on in this city so maybe it would....

so we should be moving into the new house sometime in april. hopefully sooner. i hate my neighbors... my street sucks ass. i can't wait to leave haha

---

i have an analysis paper due tonight at midnight for philosophy class. i have a final too but it's not due til sunday. i want to finish everything right now so i could play tonight before i leave for cig-free stupid church camping crap tomorrow morning. what a wonderful combination huh? no cigs + church + those stupid church fuckers = HELL! i am gonna be one grouchy snappy ass bitch. oh yeaaaaaah.

---

i'm like having the worst week ever. i got my period this week finally after none for the past 6 months (or more). i know that's bad but i have no insurance to see a damn doctor. i'm just glad it came. i gotta keep exercising so it'll be regular. so ok, then i get a flat tire tuesday. my mom didn't even ask if i was ok. she was just like... see, don't go out. wtf, right? stupid. then yesterday, my fucking retainer broke. so now i'm gonna get my ugly teeth back. fuuuuuuucking ay. then this weekend will be full of stupid jesus freaks. not only are they jesus freaks... they're indo. the loudest obnoxious asian people ever. motherheffer. i'm only going tomorrow so i could fish... my brothers and i will just spend friday night and then go home saturday night. i'll probably self-destruct if i spend too much time with those people.

=/

things i'd like to have done by the time i hit the big 3-oh.

1. finish school!
2. quit smoking.
3. travel.
4. learn to speak bahasa indonesia properly and kampampangan (did i spell that right?)
5. move the fuck outta here. (soo tired of living with the parental units)
6. drop 20 pounds.
7. get a job. (i realize i need this for most of my goals)
8. get my 350z
9. save money so i can pay for sister's college education.
10. get rid of my social anxiety.

that gives me five years to complete this list. i hope i can do it.

i woke up only thirty minutes ago but i still feel exhausted. i stayed up all night and morning finishing up my three papers. i was lucky that my music teacher gave us an extra 9 hours to turn papers in because otherwise, i'd never been able to do it. so yay, two of my classes or over with it. now all i have to do is wait for grades and deal with philosophy. =/

it's too fucking hot. it's noon and it's already 96°. it's supposed to reach 111° =( omg, i'm going to die. i wish i had a swimming pool or a/c that would actually cool down my room.

so today i'm too tired to call up toyota about my window. i don't feel like dealing with shit today. i'll try to clean the house and i'll visit the boyfriend tonight. cool.

i am such a procrastinator. my art and music online classes end tomorrow. art: i have a final paper to type. i think it has to be 5 pages long. music: composer report 3-5 pages; concert review paper 3-5 pages; exam 2. i haven't started any of that. i have a long day tomorrow. at least i got my philosopy quiz out of the way. i got 11/15. that's not good. i started out thinking that philosophy would be my favorite class... fuck that shit. i like philosophy while talking among brothers and friends... i hate philosophy as a class. it's bullshit. ugh.

bf update: he actually came back on i think the 29th of june. so he's been here for awhile. it was really weird at first. i don't know why. i mean, i felt weird too but after awhile i felt like it was like he never left... but he continued to act all weird and stuff so i don't know.

the other day he told me a secret. it's something he didn't even tell his friends. it took him so long to even tell me. at first i was like... oh cool. whatever. but today... i don't know what i feel. i feel kind of insecure. i feel REALLY insecure.

lately i've been wondering what he's even doing with me cuz i don't think i'm like any of his exes. it's weird. i'm confused.

oh yeah, and i read my paper journal (that's all about him and us) outloud to him. he said it didn't bother him but i think it did. why did i do that? i claim temporary insanity. it was 3am.

i wish i bought a different car. or at least got it with stock tires. i think performance tires are a pain in the ass. especially since i don't even have a performance car. whythefuck do i have those stupid tires. it wouldn't be so bad if i could spraypaint my rims black. that would be nice. too bad i have lazyass brothers that wouldn't help me. one of my brothers is soo lazy... he spraypainted 3 of his rims black. the fourth, he just left it white cuz he was too LAZY to finish the job. oh yeah.

pretty random stuff.

so he told me that he would come back today if he didn't get his visa. he's not here so i'm guessing he got his visa. i wish he didn't. i need him to be here so i could bore him with my boring life. i need to talk to him cuz no one knows me like he does. i mean *j might but i haven't shared with her in a long time and i feel like sometimes when we talk it gets awkward. i guess i'll work on it. oh i ditched *c's bday thing. she got all pissy about it even when i explained what happened. it's not my fault that she changed her plans last second (literally) and expects me to change plans and stuff. so fuck it. i don't care. she may think she knows me... but she doesn't. i bet she doesn't even know my ex's name. so whatever. i ain't gonna try to talk to her first. she'll have to make that move. ANYWAYS

i miss my boyfriend so much. he's having fun without me. i'm jealous. no fair.

=(

he's leaving sunday night/monday morning. he'll be back in about two months. i'm gonna be so lonely this summer. well, i'll keep myself busy with my nine units of summer school. sad.

this week will be my last week of the semester. also, it will be the last week (hopefully) of smoking. i definitely need to quit before i turn 25. i always told myself i never wanted to be a smoker past the age of 25. so here i am.

this week will be a killer. i have three finals. i have unfinished assignments in all three classes. instead of working on them, i'm typing in this thing. i'm very smart.

the heat is very distracting. it's already 88 degrees. the high is over 90. something like 96. sometimes i wonder why i like living here.

we might move. either to new houses practically down the street. or new houses in a neighboring city. it's whatevers yo. as long as i have my own room and bed again, i don't care where we live.

no hawaii this summer. i need to find a job or volunteer at a hospital. i'll also try to take some online college courses. this is what my summer will comprise of.

ok. i should really study now.

it's been almost four months since i've blogged here. it seems like a lot has happened since then... but then nothing has happened. is that weird?

school is a drag. i just finished my spring break and i start school again on monday. the week went by too fast. i didn't get to do anything that i had wanted to do. like, clean and organize my room, finish up homework, study, catch up on reading... stuff like that. instead, i did nothing. i can't remember doing anything. so just as i said, a lot has happened but nothing has happened.... it's the same as time. time goes fast... but then it doesn't. i feel like the day goes by slow so i procrastinate until there is no time left and i have to do stuff the next day.... next thing i know, the week is over and i have nothing done. i'm really struggling with this.

what is time? i hear that there really is no time. that it's just................... ugh. i don't even want to get into that. it's 3am and i'm tired. my back hurts. i'd like to go to sleep but i can't. my mind won't let me. i have lots of things going on in my head... but i have no thoughts. my mind is blank. i don't know what is going on here. i'm confused. i need something. i don't know what it is.